Trip to Austin

The boyfriend and I are headed to Austin and we stopped by here:

And saw this:

Magic Hour filters were used

Trip to Austin

The boyfriend and I are headed to Austin and we stopped by here:

And saw this:

Magic Hour filters were used

Sorry for the delay…

I’m sorry I’ve been M.I.A. on the blog for a couple of weeks, it’s been hectic here in Oracle-land dealing with my sister’s wedding, school applications, and program and invitation designs.  Not only that, I’ve been teaching myself graphic design from some  I’m also trying to wait for my Sub-check to come in for me to buy a new book for my Paranormal Library series.  I have one I’ve been reading, but it’s just way too much information in a small package that I already know, so its been agonizing, but a great read nonetheless.  Also, I may post a complementary review on one of the books I have already written about.

Anyway, to pass the time before I post the last of my images from my 30 Photography Challenge and A Paranormal Library, I am going to post some of the most inspiring things I have found over the internet with LINKS!!!

  • I’ve been frequenting A Beautiful Messfor quite some time now, and here are some very inspiring D.I.Y. projects and crafts I have discovered since I’ve been reading about the work from Elsie and her crew!
    • I love this wall art made from paint swatches!  Believe it or not, I have a bunch of these guys in a drawer in my room!!
    • I keep going back to this Record Cabinet.  I have some ideas to use this as an impromptu jewelry supply and mini sewing machine storage!
    • Elsie had a sewing class on her blog, great for me since I have a new sewing machine to try out!  If you’re a newbie like me, try this Simple Cotton Top!
    • If my hair would cooperate, I would so do this hair style!
  • Pugly Pixel is a great resource for Photoshop items, and I find her blog highly inspiring for my artwork and blog!
    • These Handmade Envelopes inspired me to create and write a blog post on my sister’s Save the Date cards!
    • You can learn how to make your own Blog Post Layout!
    • There are also some downloadable’s for free or for those who are part of her membership (with a fee).
  • Of course there’s NubbyTwiglet who posts design advice in links loved and such for those who love graphic design or shoes.

Check out this Cosmopolitan, Las Vegas commercial, every time it comes on, I start dancing!!!

Isn’t that song is amazing!?!  Then check out Parov Stelar’s website and watch this awesome video..

That is it for me, till next time!!!


I know I haven’t been around lately….

Sorry for the many month delay on my blog, I’ve been very busy with two-jobs, a boyfriend that needs attention, and an increasing depression that won’t go away. So I’ve decided that I need to be constructive, and get my little ass in gear!

New Year’s Resolution!!!

    1. Lose Weight:  I know, I know, I know, that’s EVERYONE’s Resolution, but for me this is a must!  My sister’s wedding is in May, and we have SO MUCH to do that it is overwhelming the entire family.  Each of us has our own problems to worry about and I know that for all three of us, our Lets-lose-our-lazy-weight is on that list of worry.  Right now, I have my sights set on this beautiful wrapped dress from Alfred Angelo, but I’m still hoping to find a pretty vintage dress for me to use in the Wedding.  My sister wants me to design my outfit from one of the Villians from various Disney Movies, and the dress I’m thinking of will need for me to be very fit and my legs toned…Ooh La! La!  Now, here’s MY To-Do list for the Wedding:
      1. Make my sister’s Lasso – I got the design drawn, I need monetary approval from the parents, then I’ll have my blessing to work my magic!!
      2. Get framing options from Hobby Lobby for my sister’s Bridal Portrait, and give a surprise gift of their Engagement photo in a pretty frame.
      3. Work on the bride’s maids’ jewelry, basic prices, nothing too expensive.  I have the designs, I just need to finish Jasmine’s design, and then I’ll be in business!
      4. Lose Weight! Lose Weight! Lose Weight!
    2. Keep Organized: Another one of those things were EVERYONE makes this resolution, and EVERYONE breaks them!  I may have a moon in Virgo or something, because I cannot stand to have my room, or my life in an unorganized mess!  I don’t organize every aspect of my life, if I get the item done to day or tomorrow (depending on the item) then its done!  But I do need SOME structure and without teaching, I need that more than ever, or I’d be falling into the case of the Dulldrums ::insert Phantom Tollboothreference here::  I recently purchased a Moleskine journal from Barnes and Noble, and I got the 12-month Weekly Notebook with lines on the right hand side for list making.  I wasn’t sure if I needed the lists or not, but as of a week into this planner (the first week was December 26th – January 1st), I have made a full switch from my Day Runner Poetica planners to Moleskine.  Not only should I be organized on the daily life front, but monetarily, I downloaded some good checkbook and credit card programs to keep my monies in order for my phone.  Will this organization system work?  I hope so….

      12 months - Weekly Notebook - Black soft cover - Large

      This is the one I purchased from

    3. Craft Once a Week: Since I left Hobby Lobby, I’ve chosen a task for me to try, I will post one Crafty item on my blog.  Be it from another blog that I would like to try out, or from my own devious mind, I would like to craft!  From coloring everyday in grade school, to picking out clothes, and making Oboe reeds, clay sculptors and designing on the computer, I am a very handy person!  If it’s crafting for my sister’s wedding, or for personal use, I will post it on my blog.
    4. Apply, Apply, Apply!: I have made a list of places I need to apply at once school starts.  This will be done every day, for one school district and one Business.  Whomever calls first and offers me a job will be what I do until I have enough to move out….again.
    5. 30 Day Photography Challenge:  While this was started last year, I felt that this New Year could use some fun to start off with, and what better way than with one of my first loves, Photography.  It was a list started last year, and I thought it could be used to chronicle the first month of the new year.  I know I’m a few days late, but I figured better late than never!  Here’s the list of things that this Challenge will have, and I’ll post on Facebook and here for your viewing pleasure!

      Click the image to go to the blog site!

I hope everyone has had a good New Year! What are some of your resolutions for this year!



The Oracle of Dreams

When You Go Vintage Shopping…

My sis, the Boyfriend and I went vintage shopping in the Heights down here in Houston on Wednesday.  And while I usually am able to go into a vintage store and find things that interest me, I always seem to get distracted by the very unusual things these stores sell.  See, I tend to gravitate towards creepy things when I go Vintage Shopping, and I go into every antique store and Vintage dress shop I can find.  What I found on Wednesday was beyond creepy, I had to take a picture of them.

Watch Instantly on Netflix

Before I start, the boyfriend and I recently started our “Horror Movie Month” with this really strange flick called The Dolls on Netflix. The storyline starts with a recently married Divorcee, his new wife, and daughter from a previous marriage, were all caught in a storm and had to take shelter in a creepy old victorian (like every movie that starts like this), where an old doll maker and his wife were preparing for dinner.  After giving the daughter, who happens to have an overactive imagination (probably from the fact that the father is an asshole to her), a doll, the Dollmaker then allows a Gentleman and two girls (80’s punk rockers) to stay the night along with the troubled family. Well, it turns out that the dolls that are everywhere in the Dollmaker’s house are alive and only the girl and the gentelman are the ones who are not effected by the creepy dolls.

What does this have to do with my vintage shopping on Wednesday?  Well, I came across some really creepy dolls at this one place that I just HAD to take a picture.

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All the images were taken on my crappy camera phone, but as you can see, that doesn’t even begin to describe the weirdness that are these images!

Dreamers, have you ever gone Vintage Shopping and found something so creepy, you just had to take a picture?  If so, want to share them?


The Halloween obsessed, Oracle of Dreams

Darkness Labyrinth

A Poem I Texted to the Boyfriend after a severe emotional breakdown a couple days ago. Sometimes writing helps sorts out my feelings, and gives me clarity in a time of need. The following was a free write in class the other day and it just seemed to make alot of sense.

I hurt,
I’m broken.
I don’t feel like there is a place for me in this world.

I cry,
I pray.
But no answers come.

The choice is mine,
But sometimes I can’t choose because of too many words in my head.
Telling me I can’t
Or they won’t hire,
Or you’re worthless.

Pain is all around me,
And I can’t shake it off.

Jest words sting.
And the Shields I used to have don’t work.
Everything stings.
Is there going to be a light at the end of the dark tunnel?
Or am I going to travel life in the Darkness Labyrinth.
No way out.
Full of pain.
Never Ending.

The Emotionally tired, Oracle of Dreams

Back to School…. Back to School….

I was hoping that I would post some amazing summer vacation photos and such, but time got away from me.  I lost my teaching position to cut backs in the Texas State Government, spent all summer trying to obtain a position, and ended up working back at Hobby Lobby in the Framing Department, and re-applied as a Substitute Teacher in the Cypress-Fairbanks School District, and I’ll work part-time at night at Hobby Lobby to pay off a car I had purchased, because my trustworthy 1995 Honda Odyssey Van went to see St. Peterbuilt at the pearly garage gates in the sky.  I ended up purchasing a 2004 Toyota Matrix, and I couldn’t be happier with it.  It doesn’t need much work, but I am planning on doing some major engine and exterior remodeling on the car very soon (it’s so great to be dating a mechanic!!).

Michigan Trip 2011

My trip to Michigan was amazing, and I’ll plan on doing a post about that now that I’ll have some down time during classes to work on stuff like that.  I’ll talk about some amazing vintage stores, great foods, and of course my friends.  I’ll do this while watching the students do their busy work.  Yes, it sounds a bit lazy, but for the most part I’ll be subbing at my old school, and those kids’ listen to me…I hope….

Wedding 2012

Wedding 2012 Countdown begins as the school year starts, my sister’s wedding is in May, and we’re now starting the final countdown for floral arrangements, dresses, shoes, weight-loss, hair (if I have any left), dates, and surprise wedding festivities the boy and I are arranging with some friends of ours.  I’m on keyboards, The boy on lead guitar, our friend Jimmy on bass, and we still need a rhythm guitarist and a drummer, if you live in the Jersey Village area of Houston, Texas, and can play either instrument, just let me know.  You have to have an interest in all different types of music from Tejano to Indie Rock, we’re going to rock their socks off!  It’s a surprise, so don’t tell anyone!  I’ll keep you posted on the wedding details, the plans, the dresses, the weight-loss, the song list for surprise concert and any other tidbits of fun wedding related activities.  If all goes well, we may become a wedding band and do everything from Tex-Mex weddings to same-sex weddings to Klingon weddings.

A Paranormal Library

I spent all summer reading and listening to Podcasts.  I’m currently addicted to Jim Harold’s Paranormal Podcast, Campfire, Paranormal Report, and Weird News Radio.  I’m trying to save up for his Paranormal Plus club for the 79.95 price for a whole year…I hope I can get it.

Anyway, check him out, and while listening to his podcasts, he has authors and such come up  and give a premise on their books. From there, I’ve been stock piling numerous amounts of books that I have found, and I’ve been making my own paranormal reference library picking authors I like from the suggestions on the Paranormal Podcast, and either purchasing them at Half Price Books, or on my Nook, depending on the price of course!  In any case, Every Friday, I’ll pick one of these books to do a post on, and give my review of them, and others that I have found on my own.

Other podcasts I like are

Hometown Tales

Coast to Coast – there are some art bell classics updated on ITunes for free, other than that you do have to pay.

That’s the most of this update I’ll be doing, I’ll start posting everyday while I”m subbing, letting you guys know how it feels to go back to substitute teaching, the job search, everything that can possibly be me.

Dreamers, what are your back to school plans?

The Educational, Oracle of Dreams

Billy Madison Copyright 1995 Universal Pictures and Happy Madison Productions

Still Alive!

Hello my lovely Dreamers!!!  I am still around, but I’m on several interviews and I’m going to talk to a friend at GameStop for an interview and possible job, and maybe I can update you on Game Stop employees and customers!!! Wooo!  I will post soon I swear!

The Increasingly Busy, Oracle of Dreams

My Most Expensive Shoes ever!

My love affair with shoes was not a story for the ages, I never had this epiphany at a young age that I needed pretty shoes to survive, or make myself feel better.  It would be years by the time my shoe epiphany came, but for the majority of my life till now, I’ve been a bag and wallet person, with multiple sets matching and non-matching, but to me shoes were for the feet, to be used until they’re dead, so what was the need for nice shoes.  I never even felt the Match-the-shoes-with-your-bag thing applied to me anyway.  I was in my own drum and I was not going to move!

My shoe history was a simple one, I picked shoes that fit, that were comfortable, and were most of all CHEAP!  I had to have cheap shoes, because I was that type of person who would abuse their shoes until the cows came home, and there was no point in buying nice expensive high tops to wear everyday.  It just didn’t make sense to me, nor the people who purchased those shoes.  I would see shoe closets in many closet redo’s on HGTV, and I would see those shoes as excess, even though my hat/bag/wallet collection started to grow larger by the day.  I saw these shoes as expensive candy, too pretty to touch, and way too expensive to eat, or as beautiful decorations, too pretty to take down and wear…I was just not that type of person who liked shoes.  In college I only owned 5 pairs: flip-flops, flats, tennis shoes, a staple black pair of heels and lastly, boots.  I really never purchased in excess until Payless started selling cute flats in their American Eagle collection with skull and cross-bones on them (calling all Goths!), and then I started having over 10 pairs of flats with different skull and crossbones on them, along with some boots from Hot Topic, and flip-flops from Walgreens.  The thing was, I may have purchased these multiple shoes, they never peaked past the $10 mark, if at that.  I was cheap when it came to shoes because they went only on my feet.  But I did start collecting them…that is until they started to stink!!!!  Then off to the junk yard (or dog chew toy) with you!  I was also an avid shopper at Marshall’s, TJ MAXX, and Ross for cheap awesome shoes, but they never really ranged out of the flat/flip-flop territory, but I did used to wear heels and was quite good at running around in them.  That is until my framing accident in which a giant ass frame fell on my leg, skinning my shin and the bone, and now the doctor tells me I have to keep heels low, wide, and no more stillettos…suckage!  But since I was more of a flip-flop girl anyway, there was no need to worry.

oh, behave. (27/365)

When I started subbing, and therefore teaching in general, I realized the importance of shoes; I started realizing that having a nice pair meant a world of difference than actually not having a really good pair.  So, I spent a great deal of time looking at shoes that were comfortable, yet affordable, and were good for one school year, due to constant wear and the required standing at all times in the classroom.  I even had a shoe fall apart in class one day and I just wandered in flip-flops for comfort.   I started to realize that I was spending more on shoes that were liquid than shoes that were stable and would not fall apart easily.  The problem to me was that I was making an investment on a pair of shoes that were A) Out of my price range for affordability, and B) once they were done, that was it, they were done!

What really changed my mind about the shoe problem was an article posted on Nubby Twiglet’s site called “Shoe Care Made Simple.”  After reading the article, I learned a few things about shoe care, and how I can make that expensive investment work!  One, not to leave them in a box lying on their sides!  I did that with some cheap flats and they bent themselves out of shape, also on a neat pair of faux-suede shoes, I smooshed them into my luggage bag and now the tips have a permanent crease in them!!!  Another was to treat the shoes with a spray so that stains won’t hurt the shoes and to wash them down after wear to get any contaminants off of the shoes-Makes sense since I dropped enchilada goo all over a cute set of flats I purchased from Payless and now there’s a grease stain all over the tip of the shoe making them an embarrassment to wear. 

With these tips in hand (and printed out and hung on my wall in my closet for future shoe reference), I started out on a search for a pair of shoes that I could “Invest” in.  While on my search, which took me through Nine West, Marc Jacobs, Betsey Johnson, and other notables, I was under sticker shock!  I’m the ever good deal searcher, and even at the best of sales I was going to shell out around $70+!!!! Not for cheapo me!

So many books, so little time

I felt a bit disheartened, I like shoes, they’re very pretty, but that sticker price kept making me feel like my wallet was flying out of my purse and onto the shoe store’s floor, ummm no!  So I decided to put my shoe escapade off for a while, and let the shoes come to me by chance.   Then one day, it was as if angels were making music, I was going to drop off an application at a store (bad news btw) for a summer job when my mother and I walked by Bakers Shoes!  My mother happened across a teacher, well beyond her years, wearing shoes meant for women my age, and she wanted to show me what they looked like.  We walked into the store and lo and behold next to the for sale sign was a pair of vintage-inspired shoes that most likely came down from Mount Olympus!  I was smitten.

They’re called Juliet 2, and come in three colors: Bone, Green and Black. I tried the green shoes on for a size 7 (I range from 6.5 – 7.5 in some shoes), and they fit like a glove, which never happens because I seem to have a larger left foot than most other women, but nonetheless the shoes fit!  AND they had the mother seal of approval!!!  But the tag read $49.99 marked down from $62.99, even $50 was too steep for cheapo me, and my mother could see my disapproval.  She then told me that sometimes we just have to splurge on ourselves and I purchased the shoes anyway.  Sadly, I forgot to purchase the sole guard from Bakers, so now my pretty shoes are stuck in shoe box purgatory until I can get some sole guards for them.  If I’m going to take the time and purchase these pretty shoes, then I’m going to take care of them.  For now they sit on the top shelf of my closet, waiting to be put on.  With the closing of school happening, I may not have a chance to wear them till fall, that is unless I’m invited to a wedding this summer (A garden wedding nonetheless) because now I have shoes to match a really awesome lipstick!!!

Dreamers, are you like me and an avid cheap shoe shopper?  Are you the opposite; have you always loved shoes?  Tell me your stories!

The Newly Shoe Obsessed, Oracle of Dreams

Great sites to check out:

Sources: Fancy House Road, Innaminnafly, Sophie May, Lime Crime Makeup

My Life, My Way, No Need for Children

To preface this post with another, I have to say that the majority of this current post is based on the incredibly written post of Gala Darling.  To paraphrase the post, it was an advice post based on the most appropriate way to address the incivility or ignorance of people who question those who choose not to have children.

I too have that same problem, I come from a LARGE family on both sides: My father’s side contains 3 uncles and 3 aunts, 7 siblings total; My mother’s side contains 6 Uncles and 6 aunts, Technically it is 5 uncles since one has passed on, but you get the general idea.  When my grandfather on my mother’s side died back in 2001-ish, I cannot remember, He had over 32 Grandchildren (Including my brother, sister and I) and 15 Great-Grandchildren which has gotten exponentially greater since my teenage cousins have started reproducing.  While I do sound cynical in all of this, it is mostly based off the fact that I cannot go to any party, be it a wedding, Easter, or a Funeral without being bombarded by the question:

“When are you and Donald going to get married and have children?”

And the answer to marriage has always been the same, “When the finances come in and we can individually pay for the wedding, we’ll have one”–God forbid we’re living in sin! According to my Aunt– and to the children one: “We plan on not having children.”

The wedding one causes its own type of controversy but the child question always brings up the other argument: “You’re disappointing your parents.”

While I have been living a lifestyle contrary to what my parents have wanted for me, I have always been my own person, my mother has gotten used to the idea that I will not wear a thousand dollar wedding dress, or wear white (How bout bright lime green or bright Mauve!), or have the wedding in a church (I’m Agnostic and the boyfriend is Atheist–House of Blues Peacock Room Wedding All the Way with Amanda Palmer as the House Band!!!).  She has acknowledged that I like to wear makeup so bright that I blind people, and that I will never conform to her standards of what proper living should be, and I listen to Amanda Palmer who is not her idea of an idol.

She accepts me for all of these things, but the only problem we get into is Children.  She comes from a standpoint that everyone needs to procreate and have children, I on the other had believe that having children and teaching may cause me to go super-duper insane and somehow either get put away for insanity or burn my house down!  That and working retail 10+ years has shown me that I really have no patience for children at all, which is why I ended up becoming a High School Teacher, I may be raising children, at least they know how to potty in a toilet….at least I HOPE they do!  Not only that, my mother should know as well as I that having Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome is a shot in the dark that will either produce healthy children, or loose your ability to have them at all.  I decided not to try to have children based off the fact that I have seen what a hysterectomy has done to my mother, and not having children is the best way to avoid an unplanned hysterectomy in the first place.  She ended up with both PCOS and Endometriosis from having my brother, sister and I, and many of that was from her not having money to be checked by a proper gynecologist until after she had me, my brother and sister. I also realized that most of my problems at that time of the month imitate hers when she was my age, so from a medical standpoint I say no to children.

From my personal philosophy standpoint I also say no.  I have been a teacher for several years now, and I spend a great deal of time volunteering at my mother’s school with her first graders.  I’m known as “Maestra Mala” or “Mean Teacher” because I have little to no tolerance for 25+ small 7 year olds in a small room running around on a sugar bender after lunch.  I can barely stand my 4th period 10th grade class after lunch, but they know my rules, these small ones don’t, and it’s not my classroom, so I shut my mouth and make sure that they at least do not kill each other.


Children to me seem like a great idea for some, and a horrible idea for others, my boyfriend and I love children, we love playing with them, holding them, taking the for walks, and all that jazz, but as great parents we would probably make, the possibility of us having children are very slim, for medical and personal reasons.  We’re not grown-up enough to have children, having most of our doors in our room locked because of the fact we collect vintage action figures and religious artifacts, video games and movies, and the fact that we are self-proclaimed Ferret Parents who understand the possibilities and dangers of having infants/toddlers around ferrets at the same time.  Having one fluffy 2-year-old and a human 2-year-old in the same house is mental suicide!  Also, we prefer ferrets anyway, they rarely cry, they may get into everything, but after the 6 year mark, they have less of a chance to back talk to you than a human child.

My boyfriend and I are also realists though, we’ve been planning for the unknown possibilities for years now.  What happens if we end up conceiving, Abortion Yes, Abortion No? Adoption, Closed or Open? Or Keeping the child?  While both of us are Pro-Choice, neither of us would prefer the abortion option, we can barely put down our animals without feeling guilty, and its our mess we have to see it through to the end, but neither of us would want to send the child out for adoption (Our ferret was a foster case who ended up staying with us, full term pregnancy then adoption would be out of the question), so we decided that the option for us was to keep the future child, more because conception happened and lets take it to the extreme.  We’re reasonable people if a child happens through all the protection we’re taking, then obviously the child was meant to be with us.  The other thing too, we’re stubborn, and take challenges head on, and rarely back out of a fight.

The way we see it, we may want to be a childless couple but we’re adult enough to realize that this child is coming to a home that it will be loved and cherished.

To add more to this story, we’re also Guardians for our friend’s children as well…last time I counted 5 children are in our guardianship and most of this was because our friends recognize us as responsible adults who do love kids and will take care of them and love them, no questions asked.  I do not wish any ill will on our friends, but watch the boyfriend and I have 5 children who are not ours!

I do not question that sometimes accidents happen, but my plans are to where I want to get my PHD, I want to start teaching college, I want to work at the Sorbonne (If I can learn French), or work in the BAU of the FBI, there’s so many things I want in my life, that children are no where in sight for me at this time.  After my first novel hits it big on the big screen, and I win an Oscar for Acting and Screenwriting, MAAAYBE I’ll think about having children, till then, my choice my rules.  I even get questioned from my students about this, even ones who do have children,  and I always tell them, “My students are the only children I will ever need!”  If I could post the pictures on here, I have so many pictures of my students children, from their first picture to year three that I even get emails of 5 year olds with captions saying “Watch out Miss C, you’re getting another one of me VERRY SOON!”

My family has always been traditional, I have lived my life with nothing but being a non-traditionalist who prefers other things than most.  I look at my brother and sister and notice that they can do things with their lives in any which way they want, and I know my parents will always compare me to my brother and sister, but I live the way I want to live.  My parents love me enough to realize that children are really not my thing, and while I love playing with babies and babysitting, teaching those who wish not to be taught, and I know that I can go home and relax with a glass of wine without having to worry about another small person.  You should see the boyfriend when he’s in a toy store, I had to pull him away from two 10 year olds with Nerf guns because all three of them were in an all out Metal Gear Solid battle at FAO Schwartz with my boyfriend wearing a red bandanna and crawling on the ground!   Who says my boyfriend doesn’t like kids, he’s a big kid himself!  He even told me that if we do end up having children, he wants a little girl so she can be the meanest, toughest, girly tomboy around!  I laugh cause I know with our luck and Karma, our daughter would want to be in pageants and be the princess, not the awesome rock stars her parents are! 😀

via Anne Geddes

My other reasons are purely familial.  I come from a family who wishes to talk about sex as if it is nothing but taboo, which is why both sides of my family have teenagers becoming, or getting their girlfriends pregnant.  It’s not that it is taboo, but they’re too afraid to even talk about sex with each other, and I see the problems these unplanned pregnancies have on my cousins and their partners and their children involved.  I know the children are loved, but you can see it in their eyes that they did not want this for their lives, and I see that and I don’t want to become that.  The problem I also see is that my teenage cousins don’t even want to talk to their children about sex either, and take the stance “They need to learn it themselves” but in my view that causes more problems than solves.  If each of us takes the time to sit down with our children, and talk about the options that are out there, then maybe we’ll have fewer people regretting having children.   I never got those options with my parents being conservative liberals, but they are starting to realize that I may not have that motherhood instinct, and animals are the best way for me to go, but they won’t realize it until they see it.

What gets me is that people start going on about how I am a horrible person for not wanting children. I am not a horrible person, I am just a person who sees her life and her options far better than many who don’t want children, or who do.  I spent years looking at my family to realize that I am in no way fit to be a mother.  Maybe my family scarred me from every being a mom, maybe I looked too hard, but I see those eyes, those zombie eyes of family members who used to be just like me, tell me I’m missing out when I know they’re miserable.  I see my family taking their aggression out on their children, those who are fat, need braces, or are told that they are ugly as sin and won’t do anything to help them feel better about themselves, yet I am the one who gets told that I am selfish.  I’m not, and I don’t appreciate being called that when I have your children coming to me for advice, because they are cutting themselves because my cousins are telling them that they’re ugly, or are getting drunk every-night blaming the kids on their horribly misshapen bodies.  I get told things that they are too ashamed to tell their parents, because I do not judge, yell or question their motives, I listen.  I get asked about sex all the time from my teenage second-cousins because all they get from their parents is “Don’t Do It.”   Those with worse problems, I take them to their school guidance counselor, or email the counselor myself, and have some one on one with a professional who can help them.  I’m also the person who tells them that they are the most beautiful things in the world, that maybe they were not planned but there are people who do love them, and if things do get bad, Cousin Oracle is not that far away and will come pick you up.  I see and do all this and yet I am told by these same transgressors that I am selfish, or fat.

I in no way want to discourage people from not having children, these are only my opinions, and yet not many people realize that NOT having a child is an option.  I have yet to meet a childless couple who did feel lonely or that their life was incomplete, my boyfriend and I feel very fulfilled in our lives as we strive to create a lifestyle for ourselves.  You don’t have to have a child just to keep a husband, I like referencing Drop Dead Fred when someone tells me this, even though it is fiction, I do see in real life what some people do to their children when they realize that they had a child just to keep a husband, they’re in a loveless relationship, too afraid to divorce because of familial standards, and the fact that they don’t want to raise a child alone.  Societal pressure is also filled with the ideology that we as women HAVE to get married at a young age, HAVE to have children, and be happy from it.  We all have choices, if you don’t want children, then don’t have any, or if you try to picture yourself having children, and all you see are dogs and ferrets, then don’t have children, but…

always keep your mind open and start thinking of the options you do have, planning always helps, but never assume that having children will be easy, it is a constant struggle, just like it is a constant struggle in getting my ferrets to potty in the litter box and not on the floor.

Looking back at my teenage cousins and their children and their relationships right now, I noticed that they are not happy, I even have a cousin whose girlfriend is leaving him behind with their two sons, because she cannot take the life of a mother, and has come out saying that she only got pregnant to keep him from having another girlfriend in college.  I don’t even know what to say about this, since I have never felt that insecure about someone to the extent of wanting children.  I don’t even know if I could leave my kids behind, but since men do it all the time, why not women, maybe with women leaving their families, a dialogue of whether or not having children can come up without all of us looking like selfish people.  I’m not a selfish person, I do spend time at Women and Children shelters helping out, I do spend time fostering animals, and having the neighborhood kids coming to help, educating them about the responsibilities of having animals.

The plain simple truth is, I like kids, I just don’t want any of my own.

Dreamers, what are your choices regarding Children, do you want any, not want any, what kind of plans do you have set?


The Childless Oracle of Dreams

P.S. I got some really great articles from Gala Darling’s page that opened my eyes into doing this post.

I Cannot Handle Being A Mother Anymore

ChildFree Blog